This
is going to be a fun report! I'm sitting in Denny's right now with a free
moment to collect my thoughts. Let's see just how collected we all are after
I'm done!
After the
usual airport delays, I made it into Phoenix at around 930 PM Friday. I wasn't
really interested in anything but sleep, so that's exactly what I did. I woke
up the next morning, got myself a rental car, and phoned a Smithy buddy who
I was meeting for the first time. (I met a few new friends at this con, which
is a nice plus to seeing Kevin.)We
went to get some breakfast and exchange our thoughts on The Man. Nothing but
good thoughts, of course; I
wouldn't have it any other way.
We found
our way to the civic center where Virginia Hey (Zhaan from Farscape) was speaking
first. I had no interest really, so I che (holy shit! Rainy Night in Georgia
just came on in Denny's! I've never heard the original before, just Kevin's.
Sorry...) As I was saying, I checked out the dealer area. There was the same
array of stuff: overpriced autographs and action figures, mugs, t-shirts...
I picked up a couple of unsigned photos. I acutally did find one Creation
table of $5 items, stuff they are trying to get rid of. I bought 3 t-shirts.
Good deal.
The day
went on with Creation's assortment of videos and activities (the trivia sucked;
it lasted a whole ten minutes and they were giving away the $5 stuff for prizes).
I sat for Adrienne's talk. She's no Kevin but she's cute and funny in her
own way. She says "hands down" that she enjoys Livia more than Eve. Livia
got to wear cool clothes and kick ass. Someone asked her how it was to kiss
Kevin. She admitted it was nice but that it's always creepy to kiss a virtual
stranger. She's very nice to fans and seems to like the attention and support
that she gets.
Ok, now
it really gets good! After that ancient 'Bad to the Bone' Ares video, out
walks a short-haired Man in his green cargo pants, sleeveless blue Puma shirt
and black shoes accompanied by roaring applause and whooping from yours truly.
After he greets the crowd, he likes to get right into the questions, the first
one being what the questioner has to do to get him on Andromeda. He replied
that he has a "goldfish approach" of just swimming around until
he knocks into something, and sometimes that thing is a job. He said it would
be nice to work with the "Big Guy" again, although it's hard to work on a
set with two people named Kevin.
He was
asked who was the better fighter, Ares or Xena, to which he replied that Xena
was "luckier."
When asked
about the ad-libbing done on the shows, he said that while he was throwing
fireballs at Xena in 'Soul Possession' he was thinking "Seven years and I
haven't hit jack!" He said he also wanted to say "What am I, Mr. Magoo?" because
he always misses. Needless to say, these lines didn't make it into the episode.
The Man
is so wonderful that he gave a girl a hug without hesitation. There's a reason
why I adore him so, it's his genuine attitude and his willingness to bring
a smile to someone else's face.
When asked
to flex his muscles, he remarked that "flexing should be done in the privacy
of your own home." He said it felt weird doing it in front of people, but
he was reminded that he has done it before. He then admitted that he was a
slut and started flexing for the camera! It didn't last long though, because
he got terribly embarrassed and had to stop! He was really, truly red! That
was quite cute, to see him blush.
He says
his favorite thing about Ares is his "indominable spirit," the fact that he
just keeps getting up after being knocked down so many times. He interjected
an aside about the last episode of Herc, when Ares walks off into the desert.
He says that he was walking to the top of a hill, but stripping out of his
clothes so that by the time he got there he was completely naked! To have
been there! He said that Bruce Campbell, who was directing, made him do the
take again. Stoopid Campbell!
He went
into how the wording in New Zealand is different from North America, so he
was made to say things that aren't normal to him on the shows. He said he
wasn't allowed to say "mate," which he admitted was half of his language.
He says "mate can mean digust, admiration, or even 'help!'" and he demonstrated
the differences in tone that set them apart. What an entertaining thing he
is!! And he does say "mate" alot!
As far
as his favorite episode, he says that it's 'Coming Home' because he was allowed
to do whatever he wanted. He said it was cathartic. We all should go a little
crazy every once in a while. Hey, isn't that a Seal song?
Someone
thanked him for his wonderful performance in Dearborn, to which he smartly
replied, "You mean the reading of 'Love Letters,' is that what you mean?"
He knew full well that she was talking about his performance in Hudson's,
"I Dream of Jeannie Hareem sort of thing" outfit. He said that Hudson stood
behind him "like some evil conductor," directing him to take off all his clothes
onstage. He said it was really fun and gave credit to the fans for raising
so much money for charity.
We got
to hear Jerry Patrick Brown's "Paintball ain't just a game, soldier, it's
a metaphor for life. Kill or be killed. These are a few of my favorite thangs."
Awwwwww!
Another
treat came when someone asked him to talk like Ares. He did the usual,"Until
next time, Xena," but went on to say that New Zealanders naturally have a
nasal tone, but Ares' was deeper. He started talking in the deep, sexy voice
of Ares, which got the crowd whooping. That was nice. He says Ares' voice
gave him voice problems, though.
The sweetest
moment was when a little girl dressed like Miniature Gabrielle from 'Punch
Lines' told him that she liked watching him on tv. He said, "Cool, I
like watching you here." She then asked him for a hug. Of course, he
gave her one. He said she was around the same age as his youngest son, so
I know he was missing his kids. Again, awwwwwww!
Finally
it was time for me to pose a question to The Man. I asked him to tell me what
love is. After saying, "That's like a Foreigner song, isn't it?" he said love
is letting Ares win a fight just once. I then told him my version of love,
which is supporting my favorite actor, respecting and thanking him for all
the hard work he's done. I know it makes him blush to hear accolade, but I
think it's important for him to know that he is well-appreciated and that
not every fan of his wants to rip his clothes off.
He was
asked to do Elvis, but all he could say was, "Wise man say." He said he just
couldn't do any more because it freaked him out!! Then he said, "Thank you,
thank you very much."
Surprisingly,
he still can't remember the words to 'Melt into Me.' He sang what he could
remember, even though it's probably not his favorite thing to do. He's such
a good sport about granting requests. I'm a little sensitive right now because
I met Keith Hamilton Cobb for the first time this weekend and I asked him
to do Tyr's growl. I always try to keep my questions on the lighthearted side,
and I know that Kevin has no problem doing Ares and Hudson has no problem
screaming, or Gina singing, but Keith gave me a primadonna excuse that was
equivalent to, "What's my motivation?" He said he had no reason to growl.
I thought it was a simple enough request that would have made me happy; I
didn't think it would make a whore of him. Oh well, just goes to show that
not everyone is as sweet as The Man. I later apologized to Keith for having
possibly offended him by asking an unreasonable question. He politely smiled
and said I hadn't offended him, but I was disappointed that he wouldn't grant
such a small wish. No biggie.. I'll still watch and Andromeda and support
him but that's what I get for straying from The Man!!
Everyone
who knows me knows that while I remain respectful of Kevin, it doesn't stop
me from being a wiseass. Ever true to form, I went up and asked him what "root"
means to see what kind of reaction I'd get. I heard several giggles in the
crowd (obviously Smithy fans), but Kevin nonchalantly explained this Aussie/Kiwi
term as meaning "to make the beast of two backs," "to be knotted like
hounds, if you will" "inflagrante." Even after I had thanked him and was heading
back to my seat, he added "Shag is another one" and the Australian pick-up
line (complete with accent), "G'day love, wanna go halves on a root?" I love
his openness, his good-sported nature so much! I knew he'd keep it clean and
funny since there were kids there.
The autograph
line formed. This time I had the two goblets from 'Motherhood' for Kevin and
Adrienne each to sign. He couldn't believe I had them. He kept saying,"Wow."
I got a picture of him holding his (I said "Cheers, Mate" while I was snapping,
for which I got a lovely smile). Then Adrienne signed hers and all 3 of us
took a picture with them. I gave Kev licorice (no surprise there, it's my
signature gift to him) and asked if he was going to eat it then. What he said
was nothing new: he said that he wouldn't because it doesn't agree with his
bowels!! I am quite in love with his toilet humor! I'm sure he's enjoyed it
by now, though.
Enough
of the day stuff, onward to the evening show. I knew he'd be playing some
guitar, but I wasn't sure if he'd have a back-up band or not until I got to
the con and saw the drum kit and keyboard. Adrienne opened with Natalie Merchant's
'One Fine Day' and Alana Myles's 'Black Velvet'. She was nervous, but we gave
her lots of support. If she could get over her jitters and stay on key, she'd
be a pretty good singer. Kevin was introduced and came stumbling out with
a drink in his hand yelling nonsense. We all laughed at him and he said that
that's how we probably expected him to be-drunk. I'm happy that he wasn't.
I can't
think of a better way to do this, so I'm just going to list the songs that
he did:
Born to
Run (Bruce Springsteen)
River
Deep Mountain High (Ike and Tina Turner)
Rainy Night
in Georgia (Brook Benton)
Knockin'
on Heaven's Door (Bob Dylan)
American
Girl (Tom Petty)
Touch Me
(Doors)
Blue Room
(Kevin Smith)
Walk of
Shame (Kevin Smith with Say Yes to Apes)
Folsom
Prison Blues (Johnny Cash)
Boy Named
Sue (Johnny Cash)
The Boys
are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy)
Copperhead
Road (Steve Earle)
I Got
You, Babe (Sonny and Cher)
He was
going to do Marvin Gaye's 'Let's Get it On,' but he said his voice was shot
from yelling "STELLA!!" in 'Streetcar Named Desire.' The highlight of the
show for me, though, was his performance of the Blue Room theme. He said he
wrote the music to the lyrics given him. Such a sweet melody, even though
his guitar was out of tune. He said the play ran for 9 weeks but he was only
able to successfully do it 2 times. He did okay until he finally stopped and
said, "You know there's more words in there, but I'm buggered if I know what
they are!" We all had a good laugh and he picked up where he could remember.
Although this would have been a major snafu for Whitney Houston, we Smithy
fans love our Man no matter what he does, even flubbing up the words to a
beautiful song.
Another
treat was that he did one of his own songs from when he was with Say Yes to
Apes. He said he hasn't done it in public for 15 years. It was a good song.
His voice has no doubt become more polished over the years.
Adrienne
joined him for the finale of 'I Got You Babe.' I yelled out, "Adrian!"
a la Rocky Balboa, then Kev did the same (his was better!). He also did his
best Sonny Bono impression. They had to share a piece of paper with the words
on it. It was a fantastic show.
After Kev
stepped off the stage, I went to give him a hug and tell him great job and
wish him a safe trip home. He accepts love so graciously! Then I took a picture
with him and then went to swipe all the lyric sheets from the stage.
After the
show I went with some friends to a place to sit and gab. I noticed Kev at
the bar and went and sat next to him. I didn't say anything, just ordered
a Sprite (I'm a wise-ass prude!) and waited for him to stop talking before
I slid a penny across the counter to him. (Hey, that's the first "move" I've
ever made, and it will be the last!) He joked that his thoughts weren't worth
a penny. We talked for a bit, but then he left to no doubt find someplace
a little more private to relax. I can understand that and I'm grateful that
I wasn't told to beat it by his attendant.
This was
a fun event. Not my favorite (that would be P2000), but a very nice day. Day
two was a bit of a damper for a few different reasons, but mainly because
Kevin wasn't there. Thanks for reading! Now go look at some pictures!